he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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