Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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