The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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