Umm I'm too high to move.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
