I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my sisters under your porch take her home
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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