dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
