he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
