i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize