I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
