I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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