Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
