Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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