It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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