oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So many bounce houses so little time
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
