They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
