a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
