just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
