biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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