Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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