wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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