this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
