I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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