I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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