Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
