I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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