you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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