Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
His nipple licking is glorious
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