K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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