He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
