when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
