Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i now understand why vodka
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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