u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
