Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
