dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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