Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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