I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
