I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
