I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
