porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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