next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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