so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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