Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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