WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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