You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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