It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize