so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
