He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i believe in u and ur pee
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