woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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