Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
