How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
