Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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