He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
