I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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