nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
