So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
