My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
