Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize