please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
