Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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