vagina is talking i cant
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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