omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Im part way to drunk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
