No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
two words: eviction party
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
