it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
