I just saw a hot homeless man
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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