turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
