just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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