Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
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