your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize