those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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