It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
