Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
