someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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