I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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