How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
